81 - Stage 3

[perfectsymmetry]

[Crowe pulled out the phone from the wall to keep him from spilling his secrets like the rest of the town. He was *full* of them, and he doesn't want them getting out, thanks.

And yet, he wanted to tell someone. He needed to talk to someone. So many people have told him he keeps things too bottled up, that he should talk about his problems...

No! He can't. He just can't. Something weird was going on. Hol got on the phone and told everyone he was a communist. It didn't make sense.

Housemates will find Crowe pacing about his room, a familiar worried expression on his face. He'll get stir-crazy after a bit, and head outside. But instead if usual warm greetings, Crowe will be trying to avoid everyone. Of curse, that won't stop people from trying to approach him, and he's too polite to turn anyone away harshly...

For the rest of the day, he'll be hiding high up in a tree at the park. And there he will stay for as long as he can.]

Comments

[repeatsalvation.livejournal.com]

~You're right. It isn't. But if you want me to speak the truth, Crowe, it's a harsh one. And the truth is that those are things you have to face alone. Everyone has their own trials to face alone, especially here. Those are yours. And it is your prerogative to discover how to conquer them.

I know what you have to be proud of.

And no. I won't be telling you. If you can't be proud of what you rightfully should be proud of, then that is your decision.~

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[There's a pause, where he sighs out loud and mentally tries to get his thoughts in order.]

I'm afraid I'll go crazy before I can do that.

[repeatsalvation.livejournal.com]

~Yes, you will, if you choose to not even bother to try.

You have shown moments where you are capable of extreme willpower and motivation. You need to learn to direct that, instead of letting them be random bursts.~

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to. I really am. But I've pretty much lost hope. I don't think I'm ever getting out of here, and finding the motivation now is really difficult.

[repeatsalvation.livejournal.com]

~Then that is for you to fix.

Others have found motivation for what they're doing despite also believing leaving here is hopeless.

That you cannot shows, perhaps, that you are in fact lesser to them.~

[Get mad at him. He's been able to occasionally push you this way before. Get angry.]

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[Seems to be working a little.]

Lesser to them? I've worked a lot damn harder than most people in town trying to figure this place out. Sometimes I think that maybe if we can at least end the torture or dronings, that would be something. But after April Fools day they showed up that the game can change at any time, and things that we learned here don't matter. It's hard to keep standing when they won't let you get your footing.

Holy God sorry this is so late feel free to drop it.

[repeatsalvation.livejournal.com]

~Then learn to swim with the current instead of against it for the time being. When the game changes, change with it.

We don't need to outrun them, but merely keep pace.~

's ok~

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

I'm trying. I really am. But it's like being a player and you don't even know what the game is. You think you know, and then everything changes.

I thought I was keeping up, but it's obvious I'm drowning. I don't want to. I really don't. I just don't know what else to do anymore.

[repeatsalvation.livejournal.com]

~Sometimes swimming against the current is all we can do.

But to swim and be tired is better then to drown. And as long as you haven't totally succumbed to them? You have yet to drown.~

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

I guess. Sometimes it seems like being droned is the easy way out. And they mess with my mind so much that sometimes I wonder who I really am anymore. But... I keep trying. Even if I don't know why.

[repeatsalvation.livejournal.com]

~It's because your human. It's one of the most incredible traits mankind has: to continue on in the face of adversity, even it if seems overwhelming.~

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

Is it? I don't really feel like an exemplary human, but... I guess I just keep going because back home, I know there are people waiting for me. No matter what the town tries to make us think.

[repeatsalvation.livejournal.com]

~And you don't find that incredible?~

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

... I suppose I never thoguht of it like that. Because it's just... natural? But I could be deluding myself too. I have no idea what's really happening outside of this town.