32

[perfectsymmetry]

[Like a few other folks in town, something is up with Crowe. The usually bright paperboy, who chats pleasantly with everyone, is skulking about town looking downright volitile. Anyone who approaches him will be met with unusual hostility and bitter remarks.

He'll be still going about his usual business though. He'll show up to blitzball and combat practice with Jecht and his friends. He'll be absolutely ruthless today though, especially while fighting. Enjoy, Jecht!

Even after that, he can be found in the rec center, using the boxing equipment there, fiercely pummeling the practice bags. His fists, by this point, are raw and are starting to bleed. Occasionally, he stops and grabs his head, looking like he might be a bit dizzy. A small part of him is telling him that something is wrong, VERY wrong. But it's quickly quashed. This is the way he is now. The way he always should have been. Right?]

Comments

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

No! That's just-- just not true!

Because if it were, then you'd be useless a-and you're not! Not to me!

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[He stops punching a moment, and clutches the bag to catch his breath. He's looking a little pale.]

N-no, I'm better than this town. They sit around and worry about... about nothing, they only care about themselves. I'll get out of here, I'll figure it out and to hell with the rest of you!

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

They're just scared, like everyone else. They're not bad people here, it's just they're nervous and unhappy like--

[]

--like whatever's wrong with you right now and that's okay. Please don't be angry with them. Y-you're so much better than that.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

I said I'm fine! I just-- I-it's like I've had my eyes opened up now! I've been such an idiot all this time, thinking I can trust you people. Th-that's all!

[He hasn't bothered trying to shrug you off. He's so tired.]

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

[]

Stop saying that! You're tired and you're unhappy and it sucks here-- I get that. It's gonna happen. But don't-- This is just a bad feeling, Calleo, it'll pass and you'll feel better-- I promise you will.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

You... you can't promise me anything here! No one can. You'll just-- you'll just go home like everyone else, and I'll still be stuck in this hellhole trying to figure out how to get out! That's why I don't need you. I'll figure it out on my own. Don't you get it?! Crane was right. I don't... I don't need you!

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

But the thing is I already promised. And y-you promised too. One person at a time, right? Being the person strong enough to keep smiling?

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[Crowe's knees weaken, and he slides to the floor. You might be going for a ride, Ren.]

Don't you get it?! That'll never happen, not here! Everyone here... they're just as rotten as the town. I-it's just taken me this long to see it! How could I have been so naive?

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

[]

That's not true. You're here too. And you're not rotten. And I'm here now. A-and that's two, right? Like we said before.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[Quietly:] N-no, I'm better than you people. I-I'm not some kind of bloody psychopath like...like everyone else here... and... I'm so tired of all of it!

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

...I'm sorry you're so tired, Calleo. If there were some way to just... just fix it, I would. But it's... wh-what you're better than is this. You're better than letting this place get you down. You're stronger than that.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

Why are you sorry? What do you care? I mean of course I'm better than all of you-- [He rubs his temples. Man did his head hurt.]

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

I care because you're my friend. You're a good person. And-- and maybe not everyone here is, I don't know, but I know you are. You're not hateful and bitter and angry; you're-- you smile and laugh and make people feel better even though this place makes you tired.

And I know you're still that person. Even if right now you're--

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

Ren, y-you're-- you can't beli-- _{I-I'm not...I'm not a good person, Ren.}

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

Don't-- don't say that! You are!

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[He rubs his temples, squeezing his eyes shut. His head hurt so much.]

No, I-I... I want to be but... I'm trying. I'm honest to God trying.

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

...that's... that's most of it, Calleo. Promise it is.

[]

It's r-really hard. I know it is. But you're trying, and y-you're helping people, and you're strong enough to keep trying even when it gets bad like this. Stop... stop forgetting that. Don't be down on yourself if you slip up a little or have a hard day or need to be reminded. You're a good person. And it's-- it's not you're fault you feel this way right now. You just-- you just have to remember that you want to try. You have to fight. I-I know that's hard too, but you can, I know you can--

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[He lets go of his temples for a moment, and looks at Ren, digesting those words. Then he nods.]

I'm--

[And just like that it's gone. Suddenly, he looks a bit shaken.]

...wh-what... what just happened...?

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

[]

You got scared. A-and that's okay, it is, it really, really is.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[He looks just... lost. But you've got Crowe back, for sure.]

But I... I-I would never... oh God.

[He looks down at his bloodied hands. He remembers all the terrible things he'd been saying to his friends all day. And he was 100-percent exhausted, physically and mentally.]

Something... that... i-it was like I was possessed or something... h-how could I...?

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

[]

I-it's okay. It wasn't your fault. Can...c-can you...

[]

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[At this point, he barely notices. He gives you a little nod, looking a bit lost. What the hell had just happened?]

Y-yeah, I just... I-I guess I'd been overdoing it lately b-but...

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

It's not your fault. Just-- just don't forget that. I... where I come from, y'know, this kind of thing...

Just breathe. It i-isn't your fault. Let's, ah... let's get you... You think you can stand up, if I help...?

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[He does manage to stand up, just shakily.]

Yeah, I... y-you think you know what happened...?

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

...yeah. I do.

[]

I'll tell you after you get some rest. It's a really long story.