32

[perfectsymmetry]

[Like a few other folks in town, something is up with Crowe. The usually bright paperboy, who chats pleasantly with everyone, is skulking about town looking downright volitile. Anyone who approaches him will be met with unusual hostility and bitter remarks.

He'll be still going about his usual business though. He'll show up to blitzball and combat practice with Jecht and his friends. He'll be absolutely ruthless today though, especially while fighting. Enjoy, Jecht!

Even after that, he can be found in the rec center, using the boxing equipment there, fiercely pummeling the practice bags. His fists, by this point, are raw and are starting to bleed. Occasionally, he stops and grabs his head, looking like he might be a bit dizzy. A small part of him is telling him that something is wrong, VERY wrong. But it's quickly quashed. This is the way he is now. The way he always should have been. Right?]

Comments

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

The part where bleeding and being totally pissy is 'fine.'

[]

I mean, you don't have to tell me what you're ticked about, I just-- at least let me help with the you not getting an infection thing. That's what friends do, y'know? Help.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

I don't need friends. Not here. Especially not here.

[He grabs a nearby towel in an attempt to clean up his hands. He gives them a long look - normally a thief would never give them so much abuse. But what did that matter anymore?]

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

[]

That's not-- Dude. Just-- don't say that.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

It's true. Friends here get you nothing. They're either lying to your face, they treat you like garbage no matter how well you treat them. Or they... they just get to leave and go home, and you're still stuck in this rotten place.

[So completely contrary to his attitude just a few days ago. Now cleaned up, he goes back to the punching bag.]

Useless.

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

[]

I-I'm serious. Don't say stuff like-- Calleo, if someone hurt you, we can fix it, but don't-- take it out like this--

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[Even in his addled state, somewhere deep down he knows punching at this bag is keeping him from hitting a person instead. He keeps going and ignores you holding on to him.]

Don't you see? Every last one of them, bloody useless!

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

No! That's just-- just not true!

Because if it were, then you'd be useless a-and you're not! Not to me!

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[He stops punching a moment, and clutches the bag to catch his breath. He's looking a little pale.]

N-no, I'm better than this town. They sit around and worry about... about nothing, they only care about themselves. I'll get out of here, I'll figure it out and to hell with the rest of you!

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

They're just scared, like everyone else. They're not bad people here, it's just they're nervous and unhappy like--

[]

--like whatever's wrong with you right now and that's okay. Please don't be angry with them. Y-you're so much better than that.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

I said I'm fine! I just-- I-it's like I've had my eyes opened up now! I've been such an idiot all this time, thinking I can trust you people. Th-that's all!

[He hasn't bothered trying to shrug you off. He's so tired.]

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

[]

Stop saying that! You're tired and you're unhappy and it sucks here-- I get that. It's gonna happen. But don't-- This is just a bad feeling, Calleo, it'll pass and you'll feel better-- I promise you will.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

You... you can't promise me anything here! No one can. You'll just-- you'll just go home like everyone else, and I'll still be stuck in this hellhole trying to figure out how to get out! That's why I don't need you. I'll figure it out on my own. Don't you get it?! Crane was right. I don't... I don't need you!

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

But the thing is I already promised. And y-you promised too. One person at a time, right? Being the person strong enough to keep smiling?

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[Crowe's knees weaken, and he slides to the floor. You might be going for a ride, Ren.]

Don't you get it?! That'll never happen, not here! Everyone here... they're just as rotten as the town. I-it's just taken me this long to see it! How could I have been so naive?

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

[]

That's not true. You're here too. And you're not rotten. And I'm here now. A-and that's two, right? Like we said before.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[Quietly:] N-no, I'm better than you people. I-I'm not some kind of bloody psychopath like...like everyone else here... and... I'm so tired of all of it!

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

...I'm sorry you're so tired, Calleo. If there were some way to just... just fix it, I would. But it's... wh-what you're better than is this. You're better than letting this place get you down. You're stronger than that.

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

Why are you sorry? What do you care? I mean of course I'm better than all of you-- [He rubs his temples. Man did his head hurt.]

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

I care because you're my friend. You're a good person. And-- and maybe not everyone here is, I don't know, but I know you are. You're not hateful and bitter and angry; you're-- you smile and laugh and make people feel better even though this place makes you tired.

And I know you're still that person. Even if right now you're--

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

Ren, y-you're-- you can't beli-- _{I-I'm not...I'm not a good person, Ren.}

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

Don't-- don't say that! You are!

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[He rubs his temples, squeezing his eyes shut. His head hurt so much.]

No, I-I... I want to be but... I'm trying. I'm honest to God trying.

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

...that's... that's most of it, Calleo. Promise it is.

[]

It's r-really hard. I know it is. But you're trying, and y-you're helping people, and you're strong enough to keep trying even when it gets bad like this. Stop... stop forgetting that. Don't be down on yourself if you slip up a little or have a hard day or need to be reminded. You're a good person. And it's-- it's not you're fault you feel this way right now. You just-- you just have to remember that you want to try. You have to fight. I-I know that's hard too, but you can, I know you can--

[perfektsymmetry.livejournal.com]

[He lets go of his temples for a moment, and looks at Ren, digesting those words. Then he nods.]

I'm--

[And just like that it's gone. Suddenly, he looks a bit shaken.]

...wh-what... what just happened...?

[teh-sword.livejournal.com]

[]

You got scared. A-and that's okay, it is, it really, really is.